This is something I just wrote, it is not polished, but it is the way my thoughts on the subject of lonliness came out. I wrote this during the quarantine and recently after a mass shooting tragedy that occured in Nova Scotia, my home.

One

One, it is the number you have been for some time
Somedays it is okay
Somedays it is not.

One sometimes gets called when They need a break, One is a reprieve
Slow or fast, One realizes human connection fullfillment is supposed to be through posting, picturing, tweeting, re-tweeting, symbols, liking, posing.

One tries this, One may be good or bad at this
One feels fulfilled in the short term by responses to their posting
One realizes during this process they are Everyone Else.

In the Everyone Else category, One resides with friends, close relatives, distant relatives, used-to-be-friends, acquaintenances, friends-of-friends; Everyone Else.

Has it been ten days since One spoke meaningfully to someone?

Rejected for coffee or lunch again, no time They say, no time for One
Back away, do not complain
You are free They say, you can do whatever you want, you are lucky They say
They apologize, sending heartbreak symbol.

Ten days since One spoke to someone, wait, One did say thank you to the grocery clerk.
Tired.
One does not want to call now either, what to say?
Does One want to hear about Their Others?

One, sometimes mistakes are made
In search for One’s Other one does things, good things, but they turn shameful, embarrassing because they were not One’s Other
If they were, One’s deeds would have been good.

One, you must forgive yourself
You learned, you are still here
Others tried to break you
They did for a while
You perservered, you will perservere.

One, you must trust yourself
You learned there are predators who shapehifted into someone who said lovely things, things you needed to hear
You learned your good heart is not shameful, is not embarrassing
The Fake Other is unworthy of One
The Fake Other is shameful and embarrassing human, human without humanity.

One does trust oneself
One is okay
One has meaning
One grieves the loss of previous Others, and puts them in the Everyone Else category
Hoping and looking forward to the day they once again becomes One’s Others.

One has searched for Others, Others who have time, who enjoy One and One enjoys them.
One may have found The Other, One knows one still can.

Written April 23rd, 2020 by KM Lunn


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